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Run No:- |
1066 |
Date:- 25 August 2003 |
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Location:- |
Bulls Head, Sukhumvit Soi 33/1 |
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Hare:- |
Mike 'Love Canal' Rust |
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Scribes:- |
Alastair 'Beefeater' Atkinson |
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I stood alone in a Sukumvhit soi. I looked back and forth and greeting my eyes was a baron urban wasteland; a baron urban wasteland that was to become BMH3's Run 1066
A sound. A whisper to my right. I looked through the clouds of builder's dust and saw Love Canal, nose to G.P.S., walking two steps to the right, beep, placing paper delicately on the floor, two point five steps to the left, beep, more paper. I heard Jim Morrison echoing in my head…'this is the end'. I looked again at the G.P.S. in Love Canal's hands and thought to myself, 'if only'.
A sky train swished silently by the end of soi thirty-three. Sporadically it delivered hashers to the run site; visitors and members ambled. Kim Chaubert arrived in her 'passion wagon' and complained that she was too far away from the run site; she was parked directly outside the Bull's Head. Michael Schummacher would have been miffed by Ms. Chaubert's superior position. Other people arrived and the usual comments arrived with them. "You don't want to do it like that, you want to do it like this." Love Canal took their point and led them by their point up to the top floor of the semi-derelict pub.
Five-thirty made its usual visit and at five thirty-one it left along side twenty-five hashers. I was stranded without kit; AKM telephoned to say that the affairs of state were taking priority over the affairs of state; along with his own affair, he had my kit bag. I was left alone to watch a tide of mortal hashers ebb around the corner and out of my site. Tastes Great arrived late and briskly ebbed himself round the same corner.
I was still without kit. George of the Jungle, or as Jump Start calls him, Jaws o Jungian, arrived even later than Tastes Great. He made his way toward the corner and disappeared. Five forty-four and still no kit. Another Sky train swished past the end of the soi and my long expectant gaze went unrewarded. My eyes were downcast when Mini suggested that I could use his trainers and shorts. In the same time as it takes superman to change into his kit, I was in Mini's. I left at five forty-five.
I bobbed, ducked, weaved, and this was just my warm up. I caught Jaws o Jungian, walked along side him for a while and decided to run again. My keenness was overpowering and I could feel the force driving me onwards; the curry from last week was still working its magic. I skipped and danced along wearing Mini's trainers when suddenly I began to feel a strange feeling - not the curry this time. It was a burning, grinding sensation on my toes. A blister. In true S.A.S. fashion I pressed on, buried my faeces several kilometres away from the run site and returned to the paper. I caught the pack by the time they reached the khlong. I handed the attendant a one thousand baht note, she looked at me and handed the note back; I crossed for free. A khlong boat passed smoothly by and I was reminded of my single handed voyage around Cape Horn. We finally reached the almost safe and almost dry land that was the opposite bank.
More roads and flaccid checks came. At one point I felt like I was running on hot coals. I now had the Mount Everest of blisters manifesting itself around the foot region. The run continued. At one point we were met by a tricky back-check over the khlong; it was only tricky because most of the pack stood around like pieces of the upside-down cake made by AKM's sister, Dolly. Noriega dashed across the bridge in front of me and found the paper. We called ON ON once more and this, once more, stirred something within the pack; it shuffled toward the bridge and back toward the safety of paper. Tastes Great, Noriega and myself ran like golden Gods along Phetburi road. The sight of so much talent and semi naked flesh made more than one local beauty turn to give a sultry admonishing glance. A bus crashed into a car, a car crashed into a motorbike, a motorbike crashed into a pedestrian, a pedestrian kicked a dog who bit a cat who swallowed a mouse that ate a spider that killed the fly; I don't know why…I can't speak Thai! Then the run was over. My feet were now water cushions, they had ceased to be blisters back on Phetburi road.
The circle came along with the rain. The rain ended but the circle continued. God knows what was going on; so I asked him. The Great Pudenda told me that this particular circle was an attempt to replicate the sheer terror of a torture chamber similar to one that would have been found in 1066. The recently mentioned Pudenda, AKM and Pussy Galore were all called in to receive tankards, hand-engraved by a craftsman whose age was reputed to be exactly one thousand and sixty-six years. Love Canal had certainly done his job well. After what seemed like one thousand and sixty-six minutes, the circle ended. And the ON ON ON took shape up the stairs at the one thousand and sixty-six year old Bull's Head.
Bits of one thousand and sixty-six year old fish were covered with some attempt at a batter, and several warm potatoes were brought forth and consumed. Yorkshire puddings with something abstract in them arrived and were also consumed. Something else was being consummated on the other side of the bar; Noriega had found a rich vein of fresh white virgins to seduce, however due to the enormity of her richly white breasts, he finally left with some strange gay…ooopppsss sorry, guy. One thousand and sixty-six baht was demanded from everyone. One thousand and sixty-six of us then took solace in the nearby Wild West show that is soi Cowboy; Solace was very good and entertained us for several hours and at only one thousand and sixty-six baht, was well worth the resulting trip to the chemist! The night ended and as the morning began to light the roofs of Bangkok's slum community, I made my way home to bed and the security of my whisky bottle.
***
On Monday 25 August we
had 24 Harriers, 10 Harriettes, 3 new boots and 4 visitors, total = 41.
Returners included Martin "Blitzkrieg" Lutterjohann, Pam
"Twin Peaks" Carter, Helene Dillman, Christi "Frisky"
Holleman, Cenghi "Disgusting" Ertuna, Bo "Minus Ten"
Eskesen, Paul "Katoey Kickboxer" Loke, Mike "Stiffy"
Lauer, and Heath "He Man" Norris.
Congrats to Frank "Noriega" Allum on completing 500 runs,
Ian "Ajarn Khee Mao" Slater 200 Runs, Ed "The Great
Pudenda" Rubesch 100 runs and Marie "Pussy Galore" Blond 100
runs. Welcome to our New Boots:
Peter Lindner, Maarten "Sir Bogdiver" Brusselers and Alan
"Bloody Erection" Templeman.
