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Run No:- |
1085 |
Date:- 5 January 2004 |
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Location:- |
Outer Ring Road |
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Hares:- |
Tin "Joylide" Wienands and George "Sub Human" Bevington |
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Scribe:- |
Neil "Weedeater" Biggadike |
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'……then the Irishman said, "tie the donkey's tails together and light the match"'. This, in depth philosophical discourse from Tinker, as I emerged from the cool cocoon of the car. The sun gently dipped towards a distant horizon, punctuated by the steel stanchions of yet another Mooban in the making. The landscape was bathed in the golden glow of the dying sun, making even the shambling wreck that is Tinker, take on the guise of benevolence. This setting, the warm ambience and conviviality suggested a run to remember.
The stalwarts arrived. Todd Wilkie, ever charmingly efficient, Grey-Home-By-Water the lady in waiting for the Grand Master, to name but a few. Captain Eric arrived and proceeded to take his mountain bike out of his car. I sauntered over to him, only to be told that the bike wasn't very good as the tyres were flat at the bottom of the wheels and had been since its purchase. "I can easily remedy that", I told him whilst leading him to our car and the high pressure pump therein. After successfully adding several hundreds of pounds pressure of wind to the tyres, the captain said, "I wonder if you could blow something else up for me. I call her Susan". Eager to pay for the privilege of becoming tired and sweaty, I approached Todd Wilkie. Unfortunately, Todd Wilkie was at that time performing a complex series of dance manoeuvres, keeping one foot in his trousers whilst pirouetting like a mad Dervish. A warning to others, don't approach Todd Wilkie until this ballet is complete. There's arms and legs flying in all directions - it's a mess. Meanwhile, the Hares Swedish Stealth bomber suddenly becomes apparent, as Joylide applies her foot to the accelerator and attempts to ram the car that Todd Wilkie is manfully trying to steady himself against.
It is a good crowd that has turned up to chase down Joylide and Sub-Human, who elect (foolishly it turns out) to 'live hare' the run. After a suitable period, the Joint Master Grey-Home-By-Water calls us together for a final briefing that nobody listens to. After Todd Wilkie has 'pocketed the run fees, we're ready for the off. The first check goes left away from the main track. Beef Eater storms on forward past the check and after a mere 25m or so calls onon. Obviously a false trail, but Beefy goes on and on. In an effort to endear myself to the evenings religious representative (brown nosing in other words), I said to C.U.N.T. "look at that silly sod Beefy. Hah! It's obviously a false trail.". He replied, "Yeah, it's obviously false, Hah!", then C.U.N.T. proceeded to chase after Beef Eater. I despair! It was a false trail. The call of OnOn went up back on the main track as Flying Finn broke the sound barrier, leaving mangos raining to the ground from the trees as he passed. After what seemed an age, pushing and elbowing my way through the pack - at least past those who are smaller than me, I find myself running behind the Harriettes Grunting Mattress, Khun Nid. This woman is insatiable. The whole time she is running, she is comparing, sizing, dismissing and lusting at the same time. And I thought the Lion King was bad!! Needless to say, listening to Nid, I didn't come out of her musings to well. Maybe I should follow the Ajarns' philosophy and stick to putting socks down my trousers! The sky was yellowing quickly as we found Todd Wilkie leading a group of short cutters, in an attempt claim that they had been on paper the whole time, honest. We galloped on over klongs, pounded down tracks and circum-navigated ponds until we caught sight of the hares. Imagine their blind panic as they spotted the Flying Finn, Beef Eater and No Meat baying for blood. Fearing their chastity, the Hares made a desperate dash for the safety of the 'A' site. They almost made it.
The sun, having finally given up the struggle for the day, sinks in ignominy. The peace is only spoiled by Todd Wilkie shouting "has anybody not paid". The acting GM calls us to order in the circle and draws himself to his full height. After the usual offices have been dealt with under the direction of the redoubtable Todd Wilkie, The RA's Arse takes control of the circle. Though a virgin RA, C.U.N.T. does a very credible job of punishing the miscreants. Not that anyone is going to argue with him as he dwarfs even Todd Wilkie. (Todd Wilkie is also of course known as Spinning Dwarf. In the course of the evening I personally witness some serious spinning by Todd Wilkie, but what about the dwarf, how does that work???). In the midst of the confusion of the circle, the real GM, George of the Jungle ambles in out of the darkness. It is rumoured that George actually waits until it gets dark to run, so that he isn't noticed peering through windows watching little girls and boys bathe. I must stress that this is only a rumour, and I have absolutely no evidence that it's true except for the ramblings of Sugar Daddy.
Finally, the Hares served up a wondrous feast that kept us all busy and quiet for, oh, at least 3 minutes. Thank you hares for your efforts - good run.
Leguminous Masticator.
****
On Monday we had 21 Harriers, 9 Harriettes, 0 new boots and 3 visitors, total = 33. Returners included Richard "Dirty Sanchez" Ramsden, John "Tinker" Lukens, Ian "CUNT" Jones, Anita "Hot Lips" Pardoe, Pam "Twin Peaks" Carter, Andrew "No No" Murison, Khun Nid and John "Salt Pieter" Peroni.
