Date:- 25 July 2005
George "of the Jungle" Morgan
Alastair "Beefeater" Atkinson
I left my badge and gun with the guard located at the gates of Moo Barn Panya and journeyed along the ‘on in’ and ‘on out’ route to Barn Morgan. Riding pillion was AKM whose olfactory was telling him the booze awaited. “There is a disturbance in the force” he looked confused. “I recognise this” he continued. “There is a definite attempt being made to take command of the force and move it to the dark side. I can sense…Carlsberg…and Montecristo cigars.” I twisted harder on the righthand and the beast moved more rapidly along the dark alleys that made up Moo Barn DarkStar.
Only a small number of hashers sampled this run. Obviously still reeling in shock at the boorish and slovenly antics of the previous week’s hare, people foolishly decided to stay away save the possibility of a repeat performance. With the calls of ‘you’re an idiot’ still in the memory, and the absence of the GM readily noted, on on was called and we set off like young bucks looking for something young and innocent to rut. Within moments AKM and Beefeater were FRBs and making their way in the ghost town that is President Park. We followed chalk, flower and paper; when we were lost Frank squatted on one knee, and in typical Native American Indian tracker fashion pointed to one of the tracks “Man with Santa Cruz, he ride this way.” Frank rose steadily to his feet and as the pack stood and looked on in awe and amazement Frank walked with confidence toward the sunset. On on was called in the opposite direction and with the wind taken from his magnificent sails, turned and shuffled after everyone and with a voice that resembled Peter Lorre was heard to shout “Hey wait for me…hey you fuckers…wait for me!” The moment passed without a word yet all the runners knew that they had all shared a moment. We followed bike tracks around Baron Wasteland; who knows what the hereditary peer was doing in President Park.
Meeting the FRBs as they re-entered the glamour and glitz of Moo Barn Panya was veteran and hasher Maverick; he decided to join the FRBs on the 7.4km on in and miss out the 100m trail. As Beefeater pushed for the line, so too did Maverick, leaving AKM short of breath but not short of defamatory words. Is this really the manner in which Roger Bannister pierced the mile in under 4 minutes? As the run approached its vinegar stroke Maverick turned the knife a little more and outpaced AKM to the beer. A little more of this British Spunk should be shown by the English cricket team; fortunately this was the only spunk that was shown this Monday.
A few men and their dogs dived into the pool which, after the effort of a long hot run, seemed to resemble drifting into the ample bosom of Claudia Schiffer.
A circle - minus GM - was called and people were brought in for numerous trumped up charges. A visitor was brought in to the circle. AKM was more Danny De Vito than Al Pacino in his impression of Shylock. This seemed wholly appropriate, as a visitor from some dull place in America was a real life Shylock; that is, a real life money grabbing grapes of wrath mortgage reposing eviction agent.
The On On On was celebrated in more grandiose surroundings than the previous week, the fare that was on offer matched the surroundings, as did last week’s fare. What a difference a week makes. Everything was splendid. Even Crash Bang Wallop what a picture what a photograph was enjoying someone else’s wine; all this and more and all for the princely sum of 200 baht. It came to my attention that Randy Pan the Australian Goat Boy didn’t settle his account. Still, there will be plenty of time for Shylock to get his pound of flesh.
A dark shadow was cast over the day; this is called night. And with the happy giggles of children at play; with the dog diving frantically into the azure pool; with wine passing over innocent lips; with AKM passing over the not so innocent lips of Sizzler; with the cigars and port being gently consumed; with all the fun of the fair beginning to twilight, I made my way to the magical Vespa and was taken to a land far far away; the land of nod.
On Monday 25 July we had 6 Harrietes and 14 Harriers (including George Morgan the Hare) making a total of 20 runners. We had one visitor from Hawaii (John Todd), and amongst the returners were Ichimura, NId (Sizzler), Peter Laverick (Maverick) and Trish Morgan (her membership status is a little unclear, so maybe she was a visitor!).