Bangkok Monday Hash House Harriers
Last updated: 4 June, 2012
Run 1523, 28 May 2012
Location: Suksawat, Tambon Na Kleua
Hare: Tom 'Pussy Virus' E.
Scribe: No Good Boyo
In deference to my working colleagues who find themselves ‘swamped’ with work I will add a piece, an addendum, about PV’s run last Monday which was not part of the regular run. You see, to my failing eyes it happened like this. A reasonable crowd of hashers had gathered on a remote bridge in Samut Prakan, including the scribe for the day, Man-boobs. We all thought this might have been an horrendous cock-up of a run but then we were assured by Marc that he had nothing to do with the run. And so relief all round! PV had apparently panicked at 5.15pm and set off on his trail. FRBs including Joost, Kevin and Bali Lingle were salivating at the thought of catching PV on trail, but it was not to be.
What lovely territory, what a lovely evening with cloud cover and a stiff north-westerly breeze blowing across the bridge- to- nowhere. The FRBs still salivating, set off on their chase and us lesser mortals jogged along behind. We were soon off the dirt road and into the flora and fauna of the swamp-lands. Dots in the distance represented FRBs who seemed to be returning to our trail without exception. And we lesser mortals will always agree that it is ALWAYS satisfying to see these bloody athletes running back towards us after a false trail or a back-check. Well done hare – good strategy. Spank Me and Whining Wino’s daughter ran screaming passed us having sighted what we think was a monitor lizard. Love Canal reassured everyone that crocodiles have never been found this close to the sea. No one believed him.
Pensioners sometimes have problems with their knees and better still, just one of their knees. And so it was with your sincerely, when we got to a road after 3 kms of great trail, I decided to keep up my rehabilitation programme and stay on solid ground. LC, ABB, followed by Vichai Cool visited the village hoping to cut across the trail coming back. Confusion set in when a tall man arrived with a GPS on his phone said there was a road that way. In the meantime, coming up behind us was WW and her daughter accompanied by Mr Murison, still consulting his Garmin Forerunner manual. Expecting a long and arduous night I popped into the 7-11 and bought a packet of Malboro Lights. A small boy inside the shop broke out into tears when he saw this farang. My assurances that Brits did not eat young Thai kids did not work, but he seemed happy when I bought him a Kit Kat and told his Mother that only Americans did that!!
Then our Garmin man told us that it was only 500metres to the start, so along with Tim Wienands who had appeared from nowhere, we ran towards our goal. We arrived at a jetty and in the distance downriver we could see our bridge with the cars parked on the top, just 500 metres away, downstream. But there was no way back!! So Vichai called a boat and the first 6 hasher’s desperate to get back to the beer got on the boat for home. I was bitterly disappointed. When I was a sea it was ‘women and children first – after the officers”.
But there were 5 hashers left and unfortunately an even smaller boat turned up and we all piled in. ABB was at the front, me next then Sheep Shagger in a sheep-shagging position on his hands and knees looking backwards towards Vichai and WW’s daughter with his big arse in my face. The pilot gunned the motor on the back and that’s the last I remember before going under the warm womb-like water desperately thinking I had arranged with some Nonthaburi twins for a much better way to die than this in Amorn Inn, Rattanathibet!! The boat overturned but did not sink and the motor stayed on its stanchions. More importantly, all five of us eventually (the pilot and the boat) got back to the jetty without tragedy and Vichai ordered yet another boat. Sheepshagger in the meantime lay on the jetty like a beached whale, unable to lift his body up!!
We all got back of course and e had a great circle with our GM who had appeared from seemingly nowhere and the ‘piece de resistance’ was that PV had ordered Kim Normal to provide some excellent food and wine on the bridge.
Well, areshole, what about the run you may ask? I have no f*ing idea readers; I was so pleased to survive my drowning. Americans whom it is said eat young Thai kids went off to the hospital to check on any ill-effects of immersion of offspring in salt water. I would not have thought there was any risk there myself, but if you are from that part of the world with third-world health care and first-world fees, I would probably do the same. ON ON!