Run: 1742   8 August 2016
Location: The Port
Hare: Tim 'Crash' D, Burfday Run
Scribe: Knockout Neptune

Despite the previous days Siam Sunday run being dogged with torrential rain and mud that would have been normal during the Somme campaign in World War 1, 22 / 23 hashers mustered at the Port area to indulge in more of the same masochistic ritual of running / jogging / or staggering around a preplanned route looking for chewed up pieces of paper and obscure chalk markings.

The Hash Gods were looking down on us and provided a cloud free and sunny sky as we moved en masse off to the ferry terminal to board a suitable private mega launch to transport us across the river. The more observant of us noted that our numbers had dwindled down to 16 and we could only assume that the harriettes had all banded together to support the preparation of gourmet delights to celebrate the hare, Tim D, birthday. Or, was it the large box of red wine that was begging to be opened and enjoyed. Woody being stalwart in her responsibility of being the GM of the Wednesday hash set an example to all the harriettes and continued with the trail (or had she not noticed the box of wine)?

I digress. On arrival at the far side of the river and before safely docking the boat, KC was off and running to consolidate his position as leader of the pack. A little jogging around a few streets for a km or so and we were all brought to a commanding stop at an unfammonable check. Hashers distributed themselves in all directions, On On was called and cancelled because of false trails, and as is normal KC leading Bugs astray vanished on his own version of the trail and was not seen again until the end of the run. For those sad individuals who may wonder where KC may have gone, it transpired that he had discovered the IN trail and decided to do the run in reverse, ably assisted by the unfortunate cuckold Bugs.The diligence of a few hashers provided its reward as the trail was finally discovered and we once again continued on our pointless quest of getting through this initiative test back to the Beer awaiting at base zero camp .

It was during the next half kilometer that your illustrious scribe heard the pitter patter of tiny feet and was accosted by the hash elevationally challenged dwarf Checkless, to produce a run report. Despite my protestations of amnesia, alzheimers and incompetence I was persuaded that I was the most capable person around and to understand that a good report did not let facts spoil a good story. Not having written anything of consequence since I had left school 50 years ago I was distraught and concerned and finally confided in Bullit who I stopped short from sprinting passed me. Do not worry says he I will be help you, and then continued off into the distance. Suddenly this whole burden resting on my shoulders was lifted as Bullit had obviously implied that he would write it for me.

I really got that wrong didn’t I ?

A little jog along the road, jump up onto concrete Khlong path into the Park area, off trail running and then – Wow, what is this? Bullit on the floor and a crowd of 2 hashers looking at him. Bob was lying on the gravel track pretending to have hurt his hand. Well to be truthful it was not the diversionary tactic I expected from Bullit, but I bent down and said thanks Bob, I can now pretend to be concerned about you and have to help you back to base so cannot write the report. Staying in character, Bob said f...k you or something similar so I played along a little. Ok, says I, let us get him back on his feet and I will sacrifice my finishing the trail and take him to base. The hashers thought this a good idea and soon vanished to look for the trail markings and some form of Nirvana I suppose.

It was around this time that I was brought down from my self imposed elevation and noticed the serious blood on a mangled finger of his hand. Panic gripped me and I soon tell Bob that we must get back as quickly as we can and get that looked at. Whist walking back I decided to keep his spirits up by telling him stories about the problems of open cut injuries in the tropics and how they can lead to infection septacemia and gangrene. Obviously feeling suitably uplifted and better in himself Bullit suggested that I may like to return to trail and complete the hash.

Perish the thought says I and we continued on our way. Our discussions led to how the Bobs accident had occurred and as good Westerners we asked the questions – was this a failure of the organizer and their duty of care? Could this be considered as gross negligence and dereliction of responsibility ? and should we not be involved in litigation to sue the responsible person. We further discussed who that person would be and decided that the one person responsible for all things hashing in Bangkok was …. KC.

Bullit considered that I had a valid point and as his wife was in need of a new Range Rover for shopping he would pursue the claim. He did baulk at my suggestion of 50% commission for having the idea but did however agree to 40% which will be an enormous boost to the settlement of my late marriage !!!!

On return to base Bob injury was cleaned up, Sizzler provided some bettadine antiseptic which I applied liberally to the injury, I hear that Bobs screams were heard at Soi Cowboy but were discounted as normal for that time of the evening. Tui Baker then stepped into the breach and requisitioned Ticklers car and driver to take him to nearby Aids clinic or similar for treatment. Having paid his hash fees Bob (Bullit) returned later to claim his beer and tell anyone who may have been listening that he had 8 stitches needed to close the wound.

After a few beers and Nibbles splendid snacks Sizzler called the circle to order, one would think Drunken Donut as fellow Joint Master may have stepped forward and supported her in this gargantuan responsibility. Sorry cannot remember much of the goings on as beer was calling, I do however remember a true male 14 year old virgin being welcome into the circle who Sizzler could not keep her hands off. KC was then called to continue the proceedings as the RA and instantly called in yours truly with spurious accusations of drunkenness for drinking copious quantities of non alcoholic Mur, and deceitfulness to my lovely Thai lady Max Factor.

Nominees for Prick of the week went to the SA visitor for being a SA visitor, Eat Me for carrying a tape measure for checking on length of male hashers members and Selfie Queen to make up the numbers. Selfie Queen was voted out, I voted Eat Me out because if she revealed hasher member length Max Factor would feel deprived. So SA visitor got it. The hash circle was closed.

It was Tim Daly’s birthday and she provided a splendiferous spread of delicious food to titillate all palates. Tui Baker supplied a wonderful cake for the occasion. A cream covered extravaganza, with dark chocolate drizzled over and down the sides and topped off with more cream delights and maraschino cherries coated in dark chocolate. So much for the diet.

A great hash day – although Bullit may not think so

On On