Run: 1960, 4 January 2021
Location: Srinakarin Soi 41
Hare: Klong Dump

We had 13 Harriers, 4 Harriettes, 0 new boots and 1 visitor, total 18. Returners included Mayli 'Hot Chili', Martyn 'Lurch', and Bengt 'Klongdump'. The repeat Visitor was Whippet Cream.

Part 1

Can we can’t we? Will we be arrested?

What is the definition of a large gathering? Another wave of Covid 19 lockdown threatens. In the end an excellent run with a good on on on. We were in a secluded parking area away from the bustle of the main roads; so that was a good start. Klong Dump and Pricky Noo (Hot Chillie) came in a few minutes before the off. But first, we had to endure the antics of some eccentric venerable Hashers which revealed what a special bunch we are, and how lucky we are with such excellent friends.

First was 4x2 Noah and his sweet wife Eat Me. They arrived in their luxury wagon. Noah stepped gingerly out of the car. He was seeing if the way was clear of dog poo. Alas it was not. Noah collected a number of different size rocks from the undergrowth, carefully brushing the ants and soil off them. He placed a rock over each pile of dog poo selecting the appropriate rock for each pile of poo. At this point Eat Me was able to delicately step out using the rocks as stepping stones. She had a yard broom at the ready and then proceeded to sweep the area around their luxury wagon, going round at least twice to ensure the cleanliness was to Noah’s liking. Then and only then were they able to embrace with a fond kiss to congratulate each other on a job well done!

Now we come on to our Marchment Boob a Loob. Sometimes called KaySee. Or it it Katie? He has survived many injuries over the years; jumping out of aeroplanes, falling over bicycles, breaking ribs, breaking shoulders, breaking cockixes, teeth falling out, having his tongue bitten by dogs, and numerous minor bits falling off. Some heard that he had not informed Gung Pet his wife on the extent of the damage before wedlock, and consequent conjugal impairment. KC did not read the run directions and assumed the run site was at Asoke. On arrival, suitably early, he found his error. Jump in a taxi? Take the BTS? No. He again got it wrong thinking that it was not far to the correct run site; it’s actually 20km, and he did walk it all the way. We at first heard a peculiar rattling noise approaching. Then we could hear muttering and a voice saying, "you all missed a loop". Then out of the gloom appeared KC. The explanation for the strange rattling noise we heard was that over the 20 Km walk all the pins, bolts and straps that kept his body together had come loose. We watched with incredulity as KC headed off on the run; first tilting to the right as one leg gave in, a quick fix, and then a lurch to the left as his rib cage collapsed. The teeth still rattled but he seemed happy enough. Plenty of Heineken would fix him right.

Bullit is the next. Being our most venerable and vulnerable; was seen to get extremely excited. His understanding was that under Covid 19 rules you could be paid Bt 5,000 to let people see your testicles. He announced in a loud voice that anyone wanting to see his should form a queue behind his new luxury Mazda CX5 and his driver would collect the money. His driver would shield Bullit so that people could see his testicles one at a time, and not peer over his shoulder to get a peek for free. In readiness, he stood in the circle dressed only in his underpants, better able to swiftly drop them should anyone pay the Bt 5,000. Bullit suggested that people see his testicles before the run as sometimes under heavy exertion his whole scrotum sack is prone to shrivelling back up into his lower body cavity from whence the testicles had originated. Alternatively for just Bt 2,500 people could see the smaller versions after the run. There would be a buy one get one free if one or both of the testicles dropped back to his knees. At this point, Noah stepped forward and announced that he would offer the same service for just Bt 4,000 if anyone wished to step behind his luxury wagon. Eat Me confirmed that Noah did not suffer from postprandial muscle protein synthesis which caused testicular shrivelation; and his was a much superior quality viewing experience. All this was getting very silly and the GM, visible scarlet in the face with perplexity shouted: "YOU STUPID F*****ERS; the Covid regulations were BT 5,000 for TESTING, not testicles". Then called On On and off we went.

Unfazed by this admonition from the GM, Checkless, who had formerly been subjected on many occasions to testicular exposure, and was already suffering symptoms of acute testicular withdrawal, would be allowed to expose his testicles for free.

Part 2

A cool evening in Bangkok and the first Monday in the New Year of 2021. The BMH3 A-site was the familiar Srinakarin Soi 41 used as recently as one month ago. Will the trail be the same? Who knows. Then the person that knows everything, Boob-a-Loob, shows up on foot just having completed his 12km warmup trek from the Asok intersection. He described white arrows and blue arrows pointing in different directions making all of us confused and afraid! Conversation was focused on the new Covid-19 emergency rules and how it would affect the Hash. Should we even be here today? Will the restaurant have to shut at 19:00hrs or remain open until 21:00hrs to accommodate us?

About 3 minutes before the scheduled run start, the hare Klong Dump and the cohare Hot Chilli arrive just in time to give the pack some very useful instructions. The trail is marked with long white shreddy and white chalk arrows (don't pay attention to blue arrows) and it is only about 8km long. However, the 3rd check is confusing but the hare swears that the new trail mark is only 80m away. With that the pack set off with Eetan showing off and taking the lead followed very closely by Checkless eager to show that at his advanced age his is still quite nimble and able fend off the transgressions of Cod Piece trying to elbow him off the trail. Gringo lost his place at the front as he returned to fetch some chalk from the A-site, but was able to gain a respectable spot quite quickly.

It only took about 300m into the run to see that the trail would indeed be different as we crossed the pedestrian bridge over to the westside of Srinakarin Road. Uncharted territory. Well not everyone crossed over. Eat Me and Sizzler decided that returning to the comforts of the A-site would be appropriate. Besides they felt that Lurch would be lonely with only his bicycle for company! As the trail progressed the dreaded 3rd check was encountered and as advertised it was tricky. No-No fell over and absorbed a nice chunk of the trail dirt in his search efforts and Bullit had that Alzheimer stare that indicated he had no idea where he was or what he was doing. Actually the check was solved much quicker by Eetan but he failed to call "on" which left the pack milling about in the search while he increased his lead to several hundred meters.

Ok, it is dark now and I have only clocked 6km of trail but my 300 lumen lamp is now the guiding light for Whippet Cream and 4x2 when suddenly the klong pathway ends! But closer inspection indicates the trail to continue underneath Srinakarin Road. Once exiting the other side familiar ground was recognized and in 200m we were on-in! I thought I definitely had to be the last one to complete the trail, not so! Ten minutes later Hater Peacox arrives from the opposite direction having to find a bridge over Srinakarin instead of going underneath with the trail!

The circle opened with the GM Gringo polling every freakin' hound as to their opinion of the trail quality. This certainly is a time waster and it definitely increases beer consumption. In general everyone had a high opinion of the trail. Spinning Drawf was gushing with compliments of how the 3rd check enabled him to catch the front runners and finish in a respectable time. Hot Chilli was complimented for her oversized Arrows that helped guide the hounds during the dark hours of the run. RA Codpiece rambled on for a bit but it was mainly indecipherable nonsense with no useful information being conveyed. Then it was time for prick of the week and the obvious winner was Som who arrived very late, did not do one meter of trail and finished two bottles of beer before the 1st runner was in! Circle was closed with no idea if a run will happen next week!

The on-after venue, the hole-in-the -wall 50 meters away had surprisingly tasty dishes which were delightfully scarfed down. Yes, they stayed open until 21:00hrs but no alcohol which no one seemed to mind! Good trail and good feast Klong Dump and Hot Chilli!