Run: 1966, 15 February 2021
Location: Kanchanapisek Soi 25, Klangna/Homestay
Hare: Whippet Cream (Ya) and Mai Chawp Yai (Ya Ya)

We had 19 Harriers, 14 Harriettes, 0 new boots and 0 visitors, total 33. Returners included John “Tinker”, Ploy “Bollywood”, Vichai “The Senator”, Som “Beccasine”, Vee “We Chat”, Ya “City Girl”, YaYa “Mai Chawp Yai”, and Martyn “Lurch”.

Within 3 minutes of arriving at the run site I was immediately accosted by He who is to be obeyed (GM Gringo) and was instructed in a non-negotiable manner that I was to be the Hash Scribe for the day. I was further informed not to have any of that usual crap that has infested some of the previous reports. So here we go with No reference to male appendages, genitalia or other loads of scrotum and depravity.

Having been away from Thailand for two to three years and familiar with the area used as the main stay of memorable trails set by 4x2 and Eat Me, I was astonished at transformation to the area by construction activities making it unrecognisable from that which I had in memory. However, I digress.

A motley crowd of 33 Hashers rocked upped with eager anticipation of what the virgin hares had in store for them. At 5.15 sharp the commencing circle was called to order and instruction of the trail was given by the hare in a record time of under 60 seconds, inspired by this the Hashers set off in uncontrolled anticipation of what may follow. At this juncture it needs to be mentioned that your scribe for the day is now in his dotage and manfully follows the rear of the pack, a situation which results in me having no idea what is happening somewhere in front.

The trail immediately took us into a network of paths weaving their way along khlongs (canals) and picturesque bridges in a scenic and delightful way. One asks whether this could be a new Bangkok tourist landmark to replace Venice now sinking into the Adriatic sea.

A cheeky check took us off the pathways into a field which was being totally destroyed by a construction excavator obviously in preparation for a new road, housing development, high rise shopping mall or whatever. Our problem was to now find the trail which had been desecrated and obliterated by the aforementioned excavator. We persevered and were rewarded by picking up the trail through fields onto a main road, which we were quickly redirected back into the fields and along a reasonably defined track. A well marked trail took us back to the A site and having completed the 7km trail we were treated to some great snacks (the pate was divine).

Beer was consumed copiously to support the snacks and having deliberated on the quality of the Hash we were finally called to order for the closing circle. The GM and RA conducted the circle in the usual manner of punishment by down downs being accorded to those who had deviated from Hash traditions. Eetan was unanimously appointed as Hash Prick of the Week for his lack of support to one of the lovely hares.

We adjourned to the restaurant for more riotous fun, the harriettes making their presence known as they represented 50% of attendees. Bollywood decided to display her magnificent stomach 6 pack to piss everyone off, and Knockout Neptune proudly showed his well-proportioned belly to also upset people.

There was a strange discussion on the upcoming Welsh St David’s day run on the 1st March of hares Bullit and No Good Boyo. It all started with Hasher (Andrew) No No (who is from Scotland) saying that it was all about sheep.

So what is the preferred animal partner in Scotland? No No said it was goats. So what is the difference between sheep and goats?

Cod Piece had a lot to say about the comfort of sheep’s wool and the size of necessary Wellington boots (wellies). There was significant conjecture about why he knew so much, Not being a Welshman and Not being able to sing. Knock-out Neptune (Barry) tried to compare the different Noises the two animals make – ‘Baaaa Baaaa’. To which Eetan (who is from the Philippines and knows a lot about goats) thought that sounded like Barry’s name - ‘Baaaaary’.

Codpiece then remembered a holiday in Scotland where he had often heard the term ‘Touch my Balls’ in the pubs of Glasgow which he thought might have something to do with goats, or a Scottish mating ritual.

'Touch my balls – No no!' cried (Andrew) No No, to everyone’s surprise. It was then thought that Andrew (No No) should be renamed ‘Touch My Balls – No No!’ But of course renaming is very difficult in the Hash, so Baaaaary (who has been a GM many times and is an authority on Hashing) suggested it should be a supplemental Hash name. Hashers could choose his official name of No No, or ‘Touch my balls – No No!’ if they wished (the last ‘No No‘ to be shouted loudly, more like a scream). The very thought of the possibility of adding a further name to Hasher No No was vehemently repressed by the aforementioned No No.

The group finally broke up and went home.

A big thank you must go to the hares, snack provider, Hash piss and restaurant staff for putting up with us all

NOTE

The above is a true interpretation of the events that unfolded and only the facts have been altered for further clarity

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