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Bangkok Monday Hash House Harriers
Running and drinking beer since 1982. Website last updated: 30/03/09
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Run:- 1357 Date:- 23 March 2009
Location:- Sri Nakarin Soi 22
Hare:- Man Called Horse
Scribe:- Bruised WillyThe Landmark Taxi Club, unrelated to and less-talented than the Buena Vista Social Club or even the Tuesday Night Music Club, began congregating in front of Bangkok’s only five star, hooker-enthusiastic hotel sometime around four in the afternoon. After cursory pleasantries and a heaping helping of Spinning Dwarf’s Asperger-inspired spasms over how many people should be in each cab and how to parcel those people out, off we went to the run.
As we pulled into the parking lot at the run site we saw the usual cast of dejected sex pensioners and forlorn females wandering aimlessly about the lot like extras from the mental-patients-wandering-in-the-forest scene of A Bridge Too Far. Hashers ambled to and fro in various states of disrobing as our beloved leader Maaaarteeen donned his childhood summer camp hat and searched for someone to sucker into holding the ceremonial Canadian surrender horn. A reticent Mike Rust was chosen and began to toot his own horn when, thankfully, he was interrupted by the hare, Tom With an E, who announced that the run would be on chalk and, producing a tangled mess of shredded paper, “this kind of flour.” On on!
Off we went down dirty sub-sois and across urban trash heaps, passing the chattering female walkers (obviously Linda was not here!) who pay special prices and the stumbling retirees who complain about any prices. We soon came upon a check, zipped up our trousers and headed off toward the calls of “On On Onnnnn!” when we ran directly into another check. What the fuck, Tom? Have you been out drinking and taking haring tips from The Bug all afternoon?
The trail continued down a myriad of concrete paths before finally diverting into cow shit-covered fields that reminded hasher Bruised Willy of his home in Texas. Unfortunately, these trails did not remind hasher John Mcswirlyface of his home and he ran past the walking hashers straight into the herd of poor Thai cattle with their distended bellies and protruding ribs. The cattle, being a herd animal, got spooked and began charging hashers and running all over the field and the poor squatter rancher had to run over and hold them all back with a stick. Naturally, one calf got away and the rancher was last seen chasing it somewhere near Pattaya. The rest of the animals were successful corralled by the rancher at the khlong and could be seen standing in a long line ready to charge the idiot hashers, lead by their king John McSwirlyface, who refused to heed multiple calls to SLOW DOWN. Stupid Canadians.
Most of the run after this was uneventful, though great credit goes to Tom “The Mahatma” Sorenstein and his brilliant idea of using an unexpected FT to stop people from continuing into a field that he would eventually double back into. Of course Monica Blewinsky did not help matters by running around this field with a handful of paper creating her own trail back to this point and the resulting confusion accounted for much of the standing around, cursing and French/Belgian-related xenophobic slurs uttered during the hash.Not long after this confusing point we made it onto a concrete khlong path that T.S. Idiot would proceed to run us down for at least a kilometer, if not more, before arriving On In back at the fantastic restaurant. The circle was called several times by the GM, but the Bangkok hashers, having learned how to ignore him, carried on with drinking until they felt it time to circle up on their own. Charges were handed out by the GM, Ajarn Ian and The Tinkler and a surprising few involved the usual obsession with historical names and dates – perhaps a sign that The History Hash is on the wane? One can hope.
The On On On itself was a long and lively affair with all the requisite arguing and debates and jokes and gossip that make up any good On On On. Which hasher pulled this stunt? Which hasher passed out here or there? Which hasher was seen stumbling out of Cowboy? Which hasher was seen stumbling out of Surawong Soi 2? Why is that guy such an asshole? This guy is really funny! Truly, the lives of hashers are deliberate and serious affairs deserving of consideration. I'm the man who broke the bank at Monte Carrrrloooo.
The evening was capped off when the remaining few of us looked over and noted that the staff had been placing the beer bottles on the tables next to us all evening. We were not sure how many there were, but it certainly looked like enough to qualify for alcoholism and the sentiment, “Go home.” So home we went – well some of them anyway. Some of us wandered out to continue to evening until three or four am, at which point things promptly ended when Ajarn Ian was caught trying to take back items that he hadn’t stolen to a store that wasn't open.
Thanks to Tom Sorenstein for a fine hash and On On On to Monday’s hash, which is to be set (or beset, depending on your point of view) by The Bug and Sweetie. On On!
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On Monday 23 March we had 23 Harriers, 9 Harriettes, 1 new boot and 9 visitors, total = 42. Returners included nobody this week. Welcome to New Boot Jo “Big Package” van Aubel.
