BMH3 Run report

Run 1573
Date: 13 May 2013
Location: Bang Sue, Macam Restaurant
Hare: Bruised Willy
Scribe: ?

Normally, a Bruised Willy trail passes through 10 foot tall razor grass, old growth Teak forests, thorns and brambles, bird-eating spider webs, and several garbage dumps. If he could find a minefield, he’d run the pack through the middle of it. So how was he going to place us in mortal danger by starting the run from the Bang Sue railway station? Well, one way is to send the pack down the middle of active railroad tracks, on which real live 1000-ton trains are traveling at high speed. Your scribe came close to death and dis-memberment a mere 60 seconds into the run, narrowly dodging a speeding northbound express. The sight of thirty five poorly dressed, vaguely human-like creatures, spreading out across the rail yard in sev- eral different directions, all the while shouting out coded messages, apparently so alarmed the station manager that he ordered all rail traffic halted until the mob had vacated the premises. It must have looked like a horde of refugees who had escaped from a Burmese prison, most of whom had been deprived of sunlight and healthy food for many years, had invaded Bangkok. In any other country in the world, anti- terrorist squads would have been mobilized and the entire pack would have been detained or renditioned or put on ice or whatever it is they do with terror suspects these days.

Somehow the entire pack got away from the station unscathed. But we still were not clear of the larger rail yard in which the station sits, so we ran another kilometer north out of the vast space, through dry grass ripe with sticky burrs, along the tops of parked flat bed rail cars, beside muddy track beds, and underneath a bridge or two.

After finally clearing the rail yard, the trail snaked its way through every urban obstacle that Willy could find. Lots of tiny alley ways, false trails, friendly locals, uneven terrain – good stuff. At one point, there was even some typical McFaggy bush, and we had to fight our way through branches, vines, and spiders. Seventy minutes or thereabouts after the start, most people were back at the station. But now, there is a new threat. We will be competing with automobiles! The circle will convene in the parking lot, and there is the very real possibility of being run down by an unlicensed 17 year old Kasetsart University coed in an SUV. Or, a Hasher could be gunned down by an irate off-duty policeman, who can’t pull out of his parking space because there’s a naked 90 year old man taking a shower on the hood of his car. Such is the Hash.

Pre-circle discussions focus on an ill-fated Himalayan trek undertaken by several of Bangkok’s finest hash men, some of whom were in attendance. Apparently, they thought that their route through the mountains would top out at 4800 feet, and that they would be escorted along a promenade paved with gold, by nubile Sherpa school girls toting oxygen bottles. Of course the reality is that the trail topped out at 4800 meters, the footpath was eighteen inches wide with no protective railing, it overlooked a 1000 meter chasm, and the porters were all Noriega’s male cousins carrying bottles of KY jelly. Well, as one might imagine, hy- poxia and edema and dementia and pedophilia and all that other bad stuff happened and one of the poor fellows had to be med –evaced out. But it wasn’t a total loss. Because the trek ended prematurely, the surviving hashers brought their uneaten trail food into the circle, so we all snacked on Yak cheese and Yeti jerky.

Speaking of Noriega, the RA, the orator, the ringmaster, the charlatan - the guy is brutal! If you are gay, he’ll punish you. If you are straight, he’ll punish you. If you are male, he’ll punish you; if you are female, you will suffer. Basically, if you are present in the circle, he will make your Hash a living Hell. Of course, this is as it should be, especially for Visitors (We love Visitors, ignore this twat – GM). Noriega seemed to take special delight in tormenting the visitor from New York City. Beautiful Box, a harriette from Chiang Mai, by way of Dubai, also spent a fair bit of quality time as the center of attention and deservedly so. I’m sure her boxing skills are quite beautiful, yes, I’m sure they are!

Well then, it wasn’t a surprise that the Prick of the Weak Pageant featured a runoff between NYC Visitor and Beautiful Box. And after Noriega’s relentless pounding of NYCV, and NYCV’s ineffectual protesta- tions, it was not even a surprise that a normal slam-dunk winner like Beautiful Box did not grip the prick in victory, losing out unanimously to NYC Visitor! Unfortunately, the giant trophy prick was not available for mounting, rumor being that it was left behind somewhere on a narrow ice-covered ledge in the Himalayas. Willy’s choice of a venue for the On On On was quite nice, a quaint little place next to the railroad track, with excellent service, well worth a return visit. The paintings on the walls are quite dramatic; one should probably wait until after the meal is complete before viewing.

Bruised Willy did a good one! The Bang Sue Railway Station turned out to be a great location for a hash. It was easy to get to, and the hustle and bustle of the busy station gave the setting some spark and energy.

Bangkok Monday Hash House Harriers